


Angels and Monsters

by Dangerlove12



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-30
Updated: 2015-07-30
Packaged: 2018-04-12 03:06:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4463123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dangerlove12/pseuds/Dangerlove12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AUish in that it's post-whatever is even going on in OB, and Sarah doesn't hate Helena, spoilers up to before Season 2 I think tw: self-harm, blood, suggestion (but not depiction) of abuse</p>
            </blockquote>





	Angels and Monsters

She’s walking down the hall towards the stairs to the couch when she hears, “Helena?”

“Yes?” 

“Can you come in here for a minute?” 

Helena looks over her shoulder. Even though she can clearly hear Sarah taking a shower down the hall, she knows that when Sarah says _Bedtime, monkey she means sleep time, no more five minutes more, please, mum time._

“Not tonight--” 

“...please?” 

The water’s still running. Helena’ll be in and out before Sarah even notices. 

Opening the door just enough to slide in, the hallway offers a peek of light into Kira’s bedroom. 

Still not sure whether or not she should be so close to Kira (is that what families do? Be near each other when they need it?), Helena hangs back by the door when Kira says, 

“Can you check for monsters?”

Helena quickly walks up to Kira’s bed. Crouches down to meet her face to face. Whispers fiercely,  
“Who is hurting you?”

Kira shakes her head softly, but not enough to calm the thunder rumbling in Helena’s blood. 

“No one, I don’t think. I just want you to make sure.” 

Helena nods. Gets to work. Looks in her closet, pushing aside clothes and toys. Softly knocks on walls with her knuckles, ears trained for any sign of disturbance, body ready at any moment to claw, shred, destroy anyone who has come to hurt her _plemyannica._

After she combs through Kira’s room, once, twice, three times for good measure, she smiles down at Kira, 

“No monsters here, angel. You’re safe.” 

Kira pulls the covers up closer to her chin. Shudders. “But what about under the bed?”

Helena tilts her head. “Under the bed?”

Kira nods. “That’s where the worst monsters hide.” 

 

_“Helena!”_  
Oh. no. Helena worries as she takes off across the field before Tomas can catch her. It was an accident. An accident. Accident. She’s an accident. She didn’t mean to smile. She didn’t. She didn’t. She did? She didn’t! But no one has smiled at her in a very long time and the nice boy offered her something to eat and she was so hungry just so hungry and she didn’t mean it. She didn’t mean it. Accident.   
“Excuses are gifts from the devil himself, leading you to damnation.” Tomas reminds her.   
Her sinful nature remembered when someone smiles at you, you should smile back.   
She should not have smiled back. Smiling is for sinners.   
Not her.  
She’s an angel. 

_The words, reminders, threats chase her, biting at her heels_  
“Back into the cage to trap your sins before they get out of hand!”   
“To remind you of who you are what you have been created by His Most Precious hand to do!”   
“The savior. You are here to guide the world away from its blasphemous existence.” 

_“You are here to save--”_

_Not to be saved._

_“ --and nothing else.”_

_She may have allowed pride to trip her, force her to stumble (because who would help someone as pure as nothing as her?)  
but she’s still faster than Tomas. _

_Falling won’t keep her down. Not this time._

_Tearing into the old broken down shed across the way, she slams the door and runs to the back room. She doesn’t bother lighting a candle or even pulling back the shirt that serves as a curtain on her window to let the light in. She knows her way around darkness just fine._

_She pushes the heavy box across the room, blocking her door just in case Tomas finds her this time.  
Fourteen steps from the door to her bed.   
The creaky (but dutifully clean) cot with a blanket carefully tucked on top.   
She hears thunder outside, threatening to tear her sinful self apart piece by piece. She isn’t sure if it God or Tomas yelling.   
Grabs the metal from the dirt floor.   
Curls up against the wall under her bed.   
Runs the metal’s hard sharp tip across the bumpy scarred skin and smooth clean of her back,   
up, down, left right, again   
up, down, left right, again   
just to make whoever turned monster today, stop._

 

Kira’s voice brings her back, “Helena?”

She forces a smile on her face as she lifts up Kira’s covers. 

“Nothing under here, angel. Good night.” She walks towards the door, ready to be away from anything that reminds her of back then, when Kira whispers, 

“Can you stay here tonight...just until I fall asleep?”

Helena hears the shower go off and the bathroom door open. She doesn’t want Sarah to see her coming out of Kira’s room. It’s bedtime. She nods and turns back to Kira, “Of course.” 

She closes the door and slides down against the wall until her bottom hits the floor. She smiles at Kira, until she pulls back her cover. Helena just stares at her. Wondering why Kira would move the only protection she has left. 

“You can’t sleep on the floor. You can sleep here with me.” 

Before Helena can object Kira finishes, “You make me feel safe.”

That’s all it takes for Helena. She moves across the floor and is about to get into the bed when she tucks Kira in. When Kira looks at her confused, she smiles, “I don’t need covers, angel. I’m fine.” 

Kira shrugs, and smiles as she turns over, “Good night then.” 

“Good night.” 

“I love you.” 

Kira is long asleep when Helena gets enough courage to whisper back, “I love you too.” 

*********************************************************************************************************

Sarah peeks through one eye when her bedroom door creaks open. 

_God, what time is it?_

She glances at the clock. 

_6:37 A.M. Jesus Christ._

“Helena, it’s Saturday. We sleep in on Saturdays. Go back to bed.” 

“Mum?” 

Sarah sits up at Kira’s voice. Smiles sleepily. 

“Mornin’, monkey.” She frowns when she Kira doesn’t smile back, but instead looks at her worried, scared. Gets out of bed and runs to Kira. Crouches in front of her so they meet face to face. Voice urgently asking, “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t find Helena.” 

Sarah’s insides sigh in relief. That she can handle. “Don’t worry, she’s probably in the kitchen already. Let’s go see, yeah?” 

The kitchen’s too quiet for Helena to be there. They walk down the steps and turn the corner only to find Ms. S calmly sitting at the table, reading the newspaper. 

“Mornin’, chicken.” 

“S. you seen Helena?”

“Not since last night.” She puts down her paper to get a proper look at them. “Somethin’ wrong?”

“Nah. She just probably--” 

**Thump!**

They all look up at the ceiling. 

“Stay here.” Sarah tells Kira and Ms. S pulls Kira towards her before she can try and run after Sarah. 

She grabs S’s gun from behind the front door and climbs the steps carefully. Searching quickly through each room, she stops at Kira’s, nudges the door open slowly. 

_I thought we were done with this shit._ Sarah thinks to herself as she walks across the room, gun ready.

She hears mumbling near the bed. Squats down, with the gun pointing underneath the bed, and lifts the cover in one quick movement prepared for anything she may find.

Well, almost anything. She expected murderers, more of the crazy people who’ve been chasing her and her family for years. She didn’t expect a mess of blonde curls, murmuring fiercely to herself as she rocks back and forth. 

“Jesus Christ, Helena! You scared the fu--” 

Sarah doesn’t finish her sentence. Helena’s curled into a ball, blood dripping from her nails as she rakes them across her arm. She doesn’t look at Sarah but as Sarah reaches out to her, she screams 

**“NO!”**

and scoots back fast, closer to the wall, further from family. 

Sarah waits. 

Helena’s murmuring gets loud enough for her to hear: “I hurt Kira.” 

Sarah tenses, car slamming into Kira flashing across her brain, but stops when she remembers Kira’s downstairs. Safe. 

“No, Kira’s alright. You didn’t hurt her.” Sarah winces at the lie, but hopes Helena doesn’t feel it. Helena knocks her head against the wall once--she felt it. Sarah ignores it, tries to, continues, “Helena, I’m gonna help you. So come out here, yeah? Kira’s waiting for you.” She reaches for her, just a little. 

Helena finally looks up at her. Bloodshot eyes and matching bloody hand strike hurt into Sarah’s heart but Helena shakes her head firm, once. Eyes determined, she shudders: 

“Monsters won’t hurt angel anymore.”


End file.
